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I just
Nov 12, 2015 20:43:55 GMT
Post by Sarah on Nov 12, 2015 20:43:55 GMT
signed into 'AOL' (the second e mail account I ever made). Ivor helped me set it up and explained Instant Messaging to me. I rarely check the account now as I use 'Outlook' habitually. I signed in and noticed 'IM' at the bottom left of the screen. I'd forgotten what it meant. I clicked on it - remembered it meant 'Instant Messaging' and looked into my 'frequent contacts' bit. Saw Ivor's old log in name - 'Cuddlyknife' - and burst out crying.
Fucking hell I used to talk to him all day on that thing. All fucking day he kept me company. I feel so fucking sad that we were estranged before he died. We'd had a big falling out over something that now seems unimportant. I'll feel bad about that till the day I die.
There was an option to send him an e mail that he could respond to the next time he signed into AOL and I sent him the e mail he'll never read.
I really, really miss you Ivor and I hope you found some peace. God knows you deserve it. Battling schizophrenia is one fucking enormous burden - I'm sorry I wasn't as understanding as I should have been at times. I fucking miss you like nobody else I used to talk to because without wishing to sound dramatic - we were both true outsiders. I love you.
I'd love to talk with you one more time.
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